Hi reader(s), I want to write something for you which is positive, I promise but I just simply don’t feel positive. I am sorry about this but surely this is just part of the BRCA journey, right?
So, from that, you are in for another “not so positive” blog. It may not be positive but it is honest and if you are anything like me, I find it more helpful reading people’s honest feeling’s rather than the “flowered up” version.
Today’s blog is my reality, my absolute ‘hard to deal with’ reality that currently is resulting in me feeling as a stranger inside my own mind. BRCA has started to feel as an object and the object cannot be removed.
I almost feel I want to scratch myself to release the object from me, to feel the person I was 16 days ago, to have the same worries I had 16 days ago. The feeling I imagine is ‘freedom.’
I feel numb to any positivity around me.
This journey is only just beginning, I have promised myself; I will be kind, I will allow myself to feel how I do BUT I will work hard to remind myself that finding out I have BRCA is a blessing and is giving me the potential to live a longer life which I will forever be grateful for.
Jessica Jane x